Read the title as if it were “Hey there Delilah”
I dont know if u remember I have this blog(I remember u wanted me to put more personal stuff here, so consider urself served), so I dont know if u will ever read this(maybe u put something to check for u? -does people still uses feeds?-or even for Zoey or a tag…BTW I didnt know I have a tag =) ).
Thanks for being there for me lately, I love u, I always will, u have been my kindest relationship and more “adult”.
I’m under a lot of changes, thanks for being there for me, as a beacon or as an island or as a mirage or I dont know, as urself.
Sorry for not being there on Sunday,I didnt forget but as we have discussed, u never actually said yes or no(Cesar will be piss at u…more than to me) but that wasn’t the real reason I didn’t went, truth be told I don’t know where I’m with u(as with basically every other facet of my life), as I told u on April 30(According to ur blog =) ), I cannot simply be around urself and act as a normal person, I mean I can but I feel awkward and I know u can feel me like that and I know u feel awkard 2.As I told u when we went to see the gnome, I wanted to stop seeing u in a hurry, I wanted like “garbage time” with u, not just “quality time” or getaway time as we haven been for so long but with all the things going on my life, I just didnt want to drag u into it u deserve better and more than that; we broke up a few years ago for some differences I saw and thought we wont be changing on ourselves but I feel like u changed them now but I can’t trust myself to make such an important decission to come back right now, I dont feel ready and I could end up hurting u( I can live with my own pain but I cannot be at peace if I know I harm u in any way or u lost an opportunity cuz of me).
I wanted to invite u to a getaway weekend now that u will be on vacations, I wanted u to choose the place and I could drive us there or take a cab or a plane or whatever, I just wanted to get away and be with u but now I can’t; I want exactly the same thing as u want, I want to feel excited to go out on a date with a new person, get to know her and stuff, that kind of thrill, how could I get in the way of that for u? when I’m not sure about anything anymore.
I feel like u wanted me to take the “first step” some times, I mean “first” cuz it was guided by u at the end, I think it was ur way of saying “stop to get urself a coffee cuz I want to go to the restroom” but since we agreed we won’t do that kind of stuff(and for what I was feeling) I didnt do it, I felt like it won’t be fair 2U…and I know that if u ever read this and see me face2face u will headbutt me ’til I die(#dramaQueen)…I cannot how different we r and how alike at the same time.
I hope u enjoy a lot this stage in ur life, that everything is what u want and need, dont look back at me and take all the space u need, I wont held that against u, u deserve the best 4u and I know currently I’m not that.I also believe I just need time to settle down and get myself together again, so who knows maybe we will see each other again.
In the end, I trust that in the dots will connect for our good, be that we come together or that we end up with another SO but I know than in a way we will always be together.
.t.h.a.n.k.s
P.S.1 BTW, thanks for not being Zoey anymore, u r just a happy sheep now =).
P.S.2 Thanks to this I will have to put a lot of entries now!
P.S.3 Why that decision after 2 PM was the worst?
so, if u r no longer Zoey, who r u? Maybe Victoria cuz we tried to had just a magnificent Autumn(instead of just one party)?